The humorists at The Onion provided the following list of notable Apple Watch features that were overlooked in the launch hoopla:
* 3-megapixel camera enables users to take crystal-clear pictures of wrist;
* allows wearers to start and stop the flow of time;
* adjustable ticking volume;
* all the convenience of a traditional watch that needs to be charged every 12 hours;
* built-in thinkpiece regarding the increased connectivity yet simultaneous isolation of the millennial generation;
* makes it easier for muggers to see whether or not you’re carrying an expensive electronic device, and;
* small size and intricate circuitry able to drive twice as many Chinese workers to suicide as iPhone.