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Apple Watch Features The Media Missed

The humorists at The Onion provided the following list of notable Apple Watch features that were overlooked in the launch hoopla:

*       3-megapixel camera enables users to take crystal-clear pictures of wrist;

*       allows wearers to start and stop the flow of time;

*       adjustable ticking volume;

*       all the convenience of a traditional watch that needs to be charged every 12 hours;

*       built-in thinkpiece regarding the increased connectivity yet simultaneous isolation of the millennial generation;

*       makes it easier for muggers to see whether or not you’re carrying an expensive electronic device, and;

*       small size and intricate circuitry able to drive twice as many Chinese workers to suicide as iPhone.