Tales From The Web…

"The story you will hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent."

Unlike the Dragnet motto, I'm going to protect the guilty in my little tale of online shopping for a computer monitor by not mentioning any names.

During the last three weeks I've tried to buy a computer monitor from two leading national retailers that operate Web sites. My experience was a sobering one.

The reason why I decided to shop for a computer monitor online was that I was doing it for an out-of-state friend of the family who recently broke her foot. Just before her accident she took the plunge and got her first computer, a used one, and was going to learn the joys of computing. Since she was going to be home for at least a month or so, she thought this could be the perfect time to learn it. But she had no monitor.

My wife and I decided to get involved and buy her one. I decided not to buy one in New York and mail it to her because it would be too much work. I thought, "Hey, order it online and she'll get it in two or three days with no heavy lifting!" Boy was I wrong.

I visited several sites and finally decided on a 15-inch CRT model from a leading brand. I placed the order on a Saturday afternoon, requested overnight delivery to our friend's home and waited for either a confirmation e-mail that the unit had been shipped, or a thank you call from our friend. What I got that Monday was an e-mail sent to my account, addressed in our friend's name, saying that the order was on hold and would be cancelled if I did not call in 24 hours. I called immediately.

The site's customer service department told me that the monitor wasn't shipped on Saturday because, "Our web site is closed on Saturdays." After I pondered that bit of information, I heard the person tell me, "Besides we have to okay the purchase with your bank." When I told the representative that no bank was involved, since I used my American Express card, she said, "Give me the 800 number on the back of your card and we'll get the approval." I then asked if the unit would ship today, since I ordered overnight delivery. She said it would go out on Tuesday.

On Tuesday I received another e-mail, again in my friend's name, with the same message as the first. I e-mailed back telling the site about my phone call.

After getting no response by late afternoon I called the 800 number again. I was then told, "Well, you'll have to call American Express to get approval." After telling this person that the other operator said she took the 800 number to get approval, and probably already called, he said, "That's our procedure." I asked for a supervisor, was put on hold, and was promptly cut off. I e-mailed the site to cancel my order.

Undaunted, I went on another site and found a real bargain: a 15-inch monitor for under $50! The shipping would cost about as much as the computer. Like a thief in the night I quickly placed the order, but before I did, I checked the shipping policies. "Overnight delivery" for this site means two or three days after the order is placed, because credit has to be checked, etc. "Second day air" is three to five days, so you don't want to know how long ground delivery takes. But it was still a bargain, and at least the site was honest about the shipping policy.

The same day I received an e-mail with my order number.

The next day the problems began. The monitor was out of stock — probably because of its price? (Or could it be my first experience with e-commerce bait and switch? Perish the thought.) I asked how long it would take to ship and was told within 28 days. If the product was not in by then the order is cancelled. I waited a day and cancelled the order.

The moral of this story comes from a TWICE senior editor, who heard my tale of woe. "If retailers can't adequately train their salespeople for their brick & mortar stores, it looks like they can't train people to run their Web sites." If that's true, then retailers shouldn't complain when their Web sites fail to meet sales expectations.

As for the gift for my friend, we decided to send flowers, ordered by phone via my local florist in Brooklyn. Maybe she can put the computer on her bed, and put some pillows on it, to keep her foot up until she is well enough to go to the store and buy a monitor in person.